“But I didn’t wait…”
Forever and ever, I’ve been a save-sex-for-marriage cheerleader. I always have and always will root for postponing sexual experiences until the formal commitment of marriage. I’m 1000% convinced that the intimacy of joining one body with another is a sacred act that should take place only within the boundaries of marriage.
If you’re committed to waiting, raise your hand high for an imaginary high-five and know that I am in your corner. Because waiting really does matter.
Unfortunately, stats from a lot of sources back-up what I hear from many of you, that those who don’t wait outweigh those who do wait. I’m bummed about that, and it makes me sad because I know it’s safer and healthier and more fulfilling to wait.
I really, really wish it wasn’t so but the reality is that many of you reading this slipped up somewhere. In the heat of the moment, a decision was made that you now regret. As readers share with me their lives and struggles, the most common stories I hear go something like “I didn’t wait—I wish I had.”
And after “it” happens, it’s so easy to find yourself thinking, “Well… since I already didn’t wait, what’s the point?” It seems kind of meaningless to worry about “saving” anything now. You didn’t wait. You didn’t save yourself so… You continue on the path that gives in to sex without the benefit of marriage.
But soon the emotional baggage you’re weighted down with makes rational, wise decisions about relationships almost impossible. Exposing yourself to the risk of an STD or an unplanned pregnancy is a concern, but hey, you’ve been lucky so far so… You journey further from the ideal of one man joined with one woman for life.
As much as I believe in abstinence, I’m on board with “renewed abstinence” in an even bigger way—if that’s possible. Because “restored waiting” matters too. A decision that says, “yeah, I didn’t wait, but from here on, I’m gonna wait” is such an important, life-changing choice.
If the chance for a do-over was offered, many of you would grab it in a second. But it doesn’t work that way. The best option you have is to make a fresh start. It doesn’t matter if you messed up once or a dozen times, you don’t have to let the past call the shots for the future.
Don’t believe the lie that says it doesn’t matter anymore. Because it does.
“Restored waiting” or “renewed abstinence” or “second chance virginity”. Whatever you want to call it, making a commitment to save additional sexual experiences for marriage is a huge step toward a better future.
Here’s what else I hear from you—
“I’m trying to wait now… but it’s hard. I don’t know if I can do it.”
“It’s really tough… I don’t know if I’m strong enough…”
“I don’t want to go down that road again but…”
I don’t doubt for a second that pursuing “restored waiting” is tough. It may well be the toughest thing you’ll ever do. But it is possible. And it does matter. Check out “What does it matter now?” and “WHY Save Sex for Marriage?” for more encouragement to change directions. Then keep reading through the entire “WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, HOW and WHY of Saving Sex for Marriage” series.
I believe in second chances, that a person’s past doesn’t have to dictate their future
decisions. There’s really only one first time, but it’s never too late to make a decision to save future sexual experiences for marriage. No matter what’s in your past, it is possible to choose now to WAIT.
If this spoke to you, I’d love to hear from you. In a COMMENT (under the post title) OR via email at firstname.lastname@example.org.