“But I didn’t wait…”

Forever and ever, I’ve been a save-sex-for-marriage cheerleader. I always have and always will root for postponing sexual experiences until the formal commitment of marriage.  I’m 1000% convinced that the intimacy of joining one body with another is a sacred act that blk wht bride groomshould take place only within the boundaries of marriage.

If you’re committed to waiting, raise your hand high for an imaginary high-five and know that I am in your corner. Because waiting really does matter.

Unfortunately, stats from a lot of sources back-up what I hear from many of you, that those who don’t wait outweigh those who do wait. I’m bummed about that, and it makes me sad because I know it’s safer and healthier and more fulfilling to wait.

I really, really wish it wasn’t so but the reality is that many of you reading this slipped up somewhere. In the heat of the moment, a decision was made that you now regret. As readers share with me their lives and struggles, the most common stories I hear go something like “I didn’t wait—I wish I had.”

And after “it” happens, it’s so easy to find yourself thinking, “Well… since I already didn’t wait, what’s the point?” It seems kind of meaningless to worry about “saving” anything now. You didn’t wait. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAYou didn’t save yourself so… You continue on the path that gives in to sex without the benefit of marriage.

But soon the emotional baggage you’re weighted down with makes rational, wise decisions about relationships almost impossible. Exposing yourself to the risk of an STD or an unplanned pregnancy is a concern, but hey, you’ve been lucky so far so…  You journey further from the ideal of one man joined with one woman for life.

As much as I believe in abstinence, I’m on board with “renewed abstinence” in an even bigger way—if that’s possible. Because “restored waiting” matters too.  A decision that says, “yeah, I didn’t wait, but from here on, I’m gonna wait” is such an important, life-changing choice. 

If the chance for a do-over was offered, many of you would grab it in a second. But it doesn’t work that way. The best option you have is to make a fresh start. It doesn’t matter if you messed up once or a dozen times, you don’t have to let the past call the shots for the future.

Don’t believe the lie that says it doesn’t matter anymore. Because it does.

“Restored waiting” or “renewed abstinence” or “second chance virginity”. Whatever you want to call it, making a commitment to save additional sexual experiences for marriage is a huge step toward a better future.  


Here’s what else I hear from you—

“I’m trying to wait now… but it’s hard. I don’t know if I can do it.”

“It’s really tough… I don’t know if I’m strong enough…”

“I don’t want to go down that road again but…”

I don’t doubt for a second that pursuing “restored waiting” is tough. It may well be the toughest thing you’ll ever do. But it is possible.  And it does matter. Check out “What does it matter now?” and “WHY Save Sex for Marriage?” for more encouragement to change directions. Then keep reading through the entire “WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, HOW and WHY of Saving Sex for Marriage” series.Past and Future - Two-Way Street Sign

I believe in second chances, that a person’s past doesn’t have to dictate their future
decisions. There’s really only one first time, but it’s never too late to make a decision to save future sexual experiences for marriage. No matter what’s in your past, it is possible to choose now to WAIT.

If this spoke to you, I’d love to hear from you. In a COMMENT (under the post title) OR via email at waitingmatters@gmail.com.


  1. Who would’ve thought that a young lonely teenager that chose to “give it up” would one day end up meeting her future husband and not only did we not have sex till after marriage but our very first kiss together was at the alter. What I’m trying to say is you are exactly right. Thank you for caring.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Barbie Mulekyezi

    wooow thnx

    On Tue, Feb 16, 2016 at 9:22 AM, Waiting Matters… Because YOU Matter wrote:

    > Beth Steury posted: “Forever and ever, I’ve been a save-sex-for-marriage > cheerleader. I always have and always will root for postponing sexual > experiences until the formal commitment of marriage. I’m 1000% convinced > that the intimacy of joining one body with another is a sac” >


  3. This is so so so true, just because you made a mistake in your past does not mean you have to continue on that path.

    Liked by 2 people

    • YES! Far too many people let the past make their future decisions and it does NOT have to be that way! Let’s hear it for charting a new and better path!


  4. Abstinent going on 6 years and very happy. ..waiting for my husband! ♡

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Jennifer Bristol

    I became celibate after my 2nd ex-fiance, and was that way for 12 years before I met a another man I felt was worthy of my heart and body. That was a mistake, because he didn’t appreciate either gift, so I’ve been celibate ever since Dec 2012.
    I’ll wait until I’m engaged or married again.


    • Hi Jennifer — Thanks for sharing. Ah… waiting is difficult but worth it. Our heart can lead us astray so easily, and the world throws every possible rationalization at us. But saving sex for marriage is ALWAYS the best plan. I applaud your determination to WAIT for marriage.


  6. Becky

    I was married and divorced and I had sexual relationships since my husband but when I found my way back to Jesus I vowed that I would wait until marriage before I have sex again. That was nearly five years ago. It seems easier now. I don’t think about it as much as I used to in the beginning. Drawing closer to God definitely makes it easier because your focus shifts. It’s possible because EVERYTHING is possible through Jesus Christ.


    • Hi Becky — Thanks so much for sharing your story! How encouraging for those also striving for “renewed waiting” to read of your success and determination. Shifting your focus really is the key. YAY for your commitment to wait! 🙂


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