The “WHO” of Saving Sex for Marriage

It’s a one size fits all kind of thing. You won’t find ethnicity or age range circles to color in. And despite what you may have heard, there’s no gender boxes to check either. Because none of those things come into play when you’re considering having sex. the who 1

No matter who you are, where you live, what’s in your past, saving sex for marriage is a win-win situation. If you’re saving your first sexual experience for the one you pledge your life to, you’re making the best possible choice. If yours is a commitment to renewed abstinence, then you’re making a huge investment in your future. Nothing is smarter than stopping something  that puts you at risk physically, emotionally and mentally.

I didn’t know her very well at all, but when Debbie’s fingers gripped my arm and she pleaded, “Stay with me,” I stayed. Tension rippled in waves from her body as she pressed the phone to her ear. The person on the other end of the line had the results of Debbie’s recent biopsy.

The news was bad. Cancer. Debbie fell apart, and I panicked. With an assurance I’d be right back, I pried her fingers from my arm and raced for help in the form of a co-worker who knew Debbie much better than I did. Kate took charge in a tough-love kind of way, pronouncing  firmly, “You’re going to be fine.” She then called Debbie’s husband and her parents, asking them to meet at Debbie’s home where Kate would be taking her. In the difficult weeks ahead, her family and friends surrounded her with care and comfort and encouragement all of which gave Debbie the courage and determination to fight the disease and face the uncertainty of her future.

We’re not  meant to live alone. Secluded islands may be awesome for a relaxing vacation, but in real life we need each other. Especially for the tough stuff. And saving sex for marriage definitely falls into that category.

Who in your life is tough enough to lay it on the line and not put up with your handy excuses or lame rationalizations?

Your best friend? Maybe but only if that person’s commitment to abstinence is at least as strong as yours. If he or she wavers at all on the subject, they won’t be much help to you. If you’re lucky enough to have multiple like-minded friends, make a pact to encourage one another. There’s strength and unity in numbers.

If you’re comfortable discussing sex with Mom and Dad, go for it. They haven’t been married forever—they were teenagers once, too. Their guidance—if you follow it—can steer you toward decisions that will bolster your commitment.

Prove to yourself and everyone else that this is a serious commitment by seeking a mentor/accountability set-up with a trusted adult.  Whether a teacher, co-worker, coach, friend’s parent, or pastor—sometimes it’s easier to have gut-level chats about personal issues with someone who didn’t have a role in your conception. Just sayin’.

So, look at the adults in your life. Who would you feel comfortable with and allow to hold you to firm boundaries? Whose honest feedback would you really, really listen to?  Whose tough-love attitude would keep you headed in the right direction?


Surround yourself–like Debbie did—with support and encouragement and accountability. Debbie won her battle with cancer. You can win the battle to protect or renew your virginity.

Next time we’ll chat about another “who” of saving sex for marriage:  who can I trust with my commitment?

Who’s been there for you on this journey? What experiences have you had with mentoring or accountability? Share your thoughts in a comment. Check out last week’s blog and answer the poll.