We sat on the edge of our seats, waiting for the answer to that all important question – “How far is too far?” At the time, we had these pretty cool Sunday School teachers who said we could write down anything we wanted them to answer. So we did.
Mostly, as teenagers with very little dating experience, we were okay with the whole no sex before marriage stance. I say mostly because one among us, who was known for pushing every boundary ever put before her, wasn’t all that convinced.
Anyway, in case the opportunity ever arose, we needed to know what we could do.
The much anticipated answer turned out not to be the specific line in the sand we sought. Rather generic and intensely disappointing, it went something like this, “Don’t go so far that you won’t be able to stop.”
But how did that help us? Where was the don’t-cross-this-line answer we expected? “This is okay. But this is not.” Something like “Kissing is okay but ___________ (fill in the blank) is going too far.” Make it simple, please, cut and dried, with no gray areas because we don’t want to mess this up or miss out on stuff we could be doing. So thank you very much for settling the issue.
Except that didn’t happen and we were left to figure it out on our own.
Now, I get how that was a lot better answer than our teenaged minds realized. Now, I understand that “the line in the sand” isn’t that simple to establish. Actually, there isn’t a magic boundary where anything to the left is A-okay and everything to the right is too far. But don’t resort to a trial-and-error approach to discover the “line” in your relationship. Because if you do, you might as well start picking out baby names right away.
When it comes to saving sex for marriage, please, oh please, don’t be like the little kid whose toes hang over the edge of the cliff as he pushes against the guard rail. That scenario won’t work—not if you want to keep sex out of your relationship.
The whole “how far is too far?” dilemma focuses on the wrong thing entirely. If you want to wait for marriage, stop asking “how far?” and instead, put the emphasis on protecting your commitment to wait. Seeing how close to sex you can get without doing it is not protecting. Again, get out the baby names book because you’ll probably need it.
Will I tell you where to draw the line?
No, I can’t. That’s a decision you have to make for yourself.
But I will give you more than my cool Sunday School teachers gave me and my friends.
Consider the following –
- Holding hands sends tingles racing through your entire body if the right person’s fingers are laced with yours.
- Kissing not only feels amazing but will ignite emotions you never knew existed.
- Making-out doesn’t leave you thinking about stopping.
- Bare skin could well mean the death of your commitment.
- Summer attire creates very tempting situations.
- Horizontal positions jab deep dents in the strongest abstinence defenses.
- And there’s nothing innocent, okay, or acceptable about showering together.
Ask yourself, “What can we do that won’t leave us consumed with thoughts of sex?”
That might mean dialing things back because you’ve already passed into dangerous territory. Better now than later. It might mean just minor kissing or no kissing at all. You may have to draw the line at holding hands. Maybe being alone even a little will be too tempting. If you’ve already had sex, then you already know the truth in the points above. And it might be the toughest thing you’ve ever done to keep sex out of your current relationship, but it’s not impossible.
Whatever the sacrifice—and yeah, it will feel like a sacrifice, so get prepared—do it anyway. Dig your heels in deep because tomorrow or next week or next month, you’ll think of a bunch of reasons why it’s okay to go just a little further.
Don’t give in.
Saving sex for marriage is WORTH IT.
YOU are worth waiting for.
I’d love to know how you feel about “how far is too far?” Leave a comment (button is right below title) OR send me an email at email@example.com
very interesting, but the fine lines of boundary are not explicitly stated.
You are right, I didn’t. That line isn’t the same for everyone. Some couples can handle kissing while others can’t. Some handle being alone okay while other couples can’t trust themselves to be alone for even a short time. I hesitate to say “this is okay” because people will race toward that line and many will wobble over the edge. I do believe all clothes should STAY ON and be BUTTONED UP and ZIPPED UP always! But most couples need to draw the line way before this and consider WHAT they are wearing, where they are going, and think through a lot of other things as well.