How awesome to hear a guy talk honestly about going too far.
Kissing: What’s the Big Deal?
re-posted from the Chastity Project http://chastityproject.com/2014/04/kissing-whats-the-big-deal
I used to scoff at a friend of mine whenever we talked about kissing girls. Hearing him say, “kissing starts the snowball” was laughable to me, and I usually told him so. It sounded ridiculous. That “snowball”, though, escalates into an avalanche faster than you’d think.
It might sound naive to place such importance on a first kiss, but it’s for good reason. That first kiss is like wading into the ocean that is the physical side of a relationship. Looking back at the majority of my relationships, I believe what eventually ended them was swimming out into that ocean too fast, and too far.
There’s an emphasis on “doing what feels good” in our culture, and that extends to what a couple does when they’re alone. During a passionate moment, no one will be there to tell you what’s right and wrong, other than your own conscience. That’s why you have to know beforehand what is off limits, and that takes maturity and a deep respect for your significant other.
I realize now I didn’t really respect the women I dated, nor did I truly realize what I was doing in the first place when it came to physicality. What often begins as innocent expressions of affection can often initiate a string of further actions that go further than the last.
There were so many times I could have stopped or held back, but I was curious, and I wanted it. And yeah it is as simple as that. There were times when I felt we weren’t doing anything wrong… until I had gone way too far. Despite it happening once, I ended up there again, too. No surprise when that relationship ended a week later. I was too blind, immature, and far too ignorant to fully know what I was doing. I didn’t realize that I was slowly drowning in “what felt good.”
I want to implore you men out there to be watchful of the purity of your affections. Let’s be honest, it’s guys who tend to be the ones who like to push the boundaries. Yet, women can do this too. Ladies, you have to remind men where the line is, and remember that respect goes both ways. I know you feel pressured to give in to the usual social pressures, and saying “no” is difficult. However, keep in mind that “no” comes out of Love, which is the reason as to why you would go to such lengths to protect not only yourself, but him. Protecting the intimacy that’s reserved for the mature fidelity of marriage takes courage. All it really takes to start the snowball is one slip up, and it only becomes harder the longer it keeps going.
Swimming out can be a lot easier than swimming back. I have tried a few times, once I realized what I had done, but I just ended up treading water. I still drowned in the end. Now, every time I’m with a girl, I am not only physically aware of her and myself, but respectful of her and who she is. Keeping your head above water is not easy. Relationships are complicated, and the physical side of relationships only seems to make them more so. Stay close to shore.
Alexander Pyles is a graduate philosophy student at Franciscan University of Steubenville, having already completed his Bachelors in Philosophy and Writing. He is hoping to break into the world of novel writing and/or screenwriting, with hopes of bringing literature and beauty to the foreground of culture. Originally from Virginia Beach, VA, he misses the sun, sand and ocean. You can keep up with his (many) thoughts on his personal blog, Writing is Speaking (http://aspauthor.wordpress.com/)
It goes back to how dating has changed over the years. The expectations and what is socially acceptable. I agree that kissing starts an avalanche (if the kissing is good). 😉
Refreshing to hear this from a man. Thank you.
I know!!! A great article to send guys to so they can see it from another guy’s perspective.
I remember once hearing physical intimacy compared to the tail of a kite – the kind you see in pictures with little bows every few inches, with sex being the kite itself. Each small step you take in a relationship – holding hands, kissing, petting, etc. – is like cutting off one of those little bows. You get closer and closer to the line you don’t want to cross, and it’s rather difficult to backtrack. It makes sense – avoiding temptation means staying away from it, not toying with it.
That’s a great analogy. Thanks for sharing!