I’m an organizer who likes things to go as planned. But experience has taught me how important flexibility is in the dailyness of life. Actually it’s essential. Being able to roll with the punches is key to accomplishing just about anything. Because seldom do things go exactly as planned. If you crumple into an emotional heap every time plans go awry, not only will your sanity be in jeopardy, but you’ll get little to nothing accomplished.
But if you’re committed to saving sex for marriage, squash ALL thoughts of flexibility. Don’t entertain for one second bending or adjusting your plan. Not even a little. Because there’s absolutely no place for a PLAN B or C or D when it comes to abstinence. The very thought of a BACK-UP PLAN will reek havoc with your abstinence commitment.
The most thought-out approach to waiting, surrounded by the best of intentions, will be tested. Count on it. One or both of you, at some point, will say or at the very least think—
“I had no clue our connection would be so strong…”
“Waiting for marriage is taking too long.”
“I just can’t wait any longer…”
When that happens, step back. Remind yourselves why you committed to waiting. Seek accountability from both peers and a trusted mentor. Reinforce the steps you’ve used to protect your commitment. But whatever you do, do not even discuss a back-up plan. Refuse to consider a PLAN B or C or D—no matter how small the adjustment may seem.
Banish to some remote planet the mere whisper of anything resembling a back-up plan. You know like, keeping a stash of condoms in your purse, wallet, car…wherever “just in case.” Or seeking a prescription for birth-control pills—to help regulate your periods, of course—with the unmentioned benefit of protection should you slip-up.
Do not give yourself an out. No. No. No.
Forget flexibility but please get familiar with his close cousin, resourcefulness. When the doubts, questions and intense feelings hit that you aren’t as prepared for as you thought, it’ll be tempting to just throw in the towel. “It’s hopeless,” you might think. “We may as well just give up. Either that or stop seeing each other…which we aren’t willing to do.”
Get resourceful. That means tightening that thinking cap your elementary school teachers urged into action years ago. Look for ways to be together without being alone like a BBQ with the family, attending church events, hanging out with like-minded friends. Seek things to do as a couple like volunteering to coach a kids’ sports team or offering a helping hand to friends or neighbors in need of a babysitter, yard assistance, whatever. Getting involved in worthwhile pursuits will grow your relationship and less alone time will reign in physical temptations.
Saving sex for marriage is worth the effort it takes. Don’t give up.
Share in a comment (click COMMENT below title) your best tips for HOW to save sex for marriage.
No back-up plan is the last “HOW” in this series featuring the WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, HOW and WHY of saving sex for marriage. As we move on to the WHY, I want to hear from you. WHY are you saving (or did you save) sex for marriage?